This July 4th weekend was supposed to be a triumphant return to love, joy, live music and friendship. It didn’t turn out that way. It’s no one’s fault and I’m not complaining. I am seeking understanding for both my own mixed feelings and for the multi-layered feelings of others. First of all, everyone is still coming out of a year-long period of isolation. Everyone has different feelings and sense of comfort around socializing and gathering for concerts, groups, events. I feel this very acutely in my life and in the lives of my friends and family. Secondly, it rained a LOT “on my parade” all weekend. A concert that was supposed to be Saturday got switched to Sunday. In itself, that was no big deal, but I had already arranged other plans on Sunday. So, those plans got switched too and then Sunday looked like it would rain, blah blah, everything was messed up. So, I went back and forth about this and that for hours. Finally, I couldn’t decide and in true Libra fashion, the decision-making process was becoming overwhelming.
Also, I am dealing with the fact that I’ve been doing everything by myself lately. Going to concerts alone, taking walks alone, everything always alone. Yes, I do love my own company and actually do like being alone much of the time. But at a social gathering, it’s socially awkward to be the third, or fifth wheel. Yes, I usually meet kind people once I get there, whom I love. Yet, must I do everything alone, all the time?
Meanwhile, I am back to work at the office after a year of working from home. There are many things that needed to be done around the house, errands, etc. Long story, everything was getting to me. I know it sounds crazy, but the best idea at the time was to cancel everything.
In retrospect, I wish I had just said, “Forget the Rain. It won’t kill you to get a little wet. Dance in the Rain if it comes!” I also wish that I didn’t care about showing up to social events alone. I wish I could proudly go to anything I want – by myself, as myself, with only myself. I am working on this. One day I will be able to do it without mixed feelings. Now THAT will be true independence! The day that I can do whatever my heart truly desires, no matter the obstacles, that day will mean true freedom for me. I realize these issues may seem shallow to some people, who are perhaps more independent than I am. I admire you. Now, come find me and support me on my journey. Or, if you feel that I can support YOU in whatever you are going through, please do contact me. As always, I’m sending you a Spiritual Smile to brighten your day and would not mind if you send one back to me.